


Witch Bitch Group chat

by Hiphopyogalesbian



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: F/F, Group chat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-17 01:26:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16506629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiphopyogalesbian/pseuds/Hiphopyogalesbian
Summary: Nobody asked for this but......





	1. Chapter 1

[SurpriseBitch] Madison  
[SwampBitch] Misty  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Queenie  
[SupremeBitch] Cordelia  
[MyBitch] Zoe  
[ClairvoyantBitch] Queenie 

‘SurpriseBitch has created a group chat’  
THE BITCHES OF EASTWICK

[SupremeBitch] Madison these names are incredibly offensive!!!  
[SwampBitch] my Cordelia is The Supreme but she’s no bitch <3  
[ItsQueenieBitch] I dunno I kinda like mine  
[ClairvoyantBitch] what’s even the point of this group chat???  
[SurpriseBitch] so I can troll you hoes all day long  
[ItsQueenieBitch] you a skinny ass white version of me Montgomery !!  
[SwampBitch] I suppose it would be good to keep In Touch with one another throughout the day  
[SurpriseBitch] Misty dont be sending is long ass Fleetwood Mac playlists please  
[ClairvoyantBitch] or cute animal gifs- the only gifs I want are hot shirtless guys  
[SupremeBitch] please don’t invite my mother into this group chat  
[SurpriseBitch] no way! Those dried up old hot pockets can form their own group chat  
[ItsQueenieBitch] LOL U calling Myrtle and Fiona dried up old hot pockets?  
[SurpriseBitch] I said what I said  
[MyBitch] HEY!!!! I’ve just got like a thousand notifications what’s with this group chat!! And why is my name ‘My Bitch?’  
[ClairvoyantBitch] because we all know you are so hot for Madison you follow her round like a puppy dog  
[ItsQueenieBitch] like a female Kyle  
[MyBitch] you guys! I am not hot for Madison  
[SurpriseBitch] that’s both rude and a lie- you weren’t complaining last night when I made you scream my name  
[SupremeBitch] Madison that’s really rather inappropriate !!!  
[SwampBitch] Should Zoe be screaming? That’s worrying  
[SurpriseBitch] listen alligator princess not all of us have sex by twirling scarves around and listening to Rhiannon on repeat  
[ItsQueenieBitch] ^^^^^^ I’m DEAD  
[SupremeBitch] my personal life is really none of your business Madison  
[ClairvoyantBitch] so it’s blatantly true  
[SwampBitch] Cordy make them stop  
[MyBitch] Madison we need to talk  
[SurpriseBitch] is that code for fucking in Cordelia’s greenhouse or????  
[MyBitch] OMG!!! Stop it  
[SurpriseBitch] you know Zo I like it when you complain so much ;)  
[SupremeBitch] girls please don’t misuse my greenhouse for your sexual pleasure  
[ItsQueenieBitch] surely it’s better than Misty’s weird ass swamp shack  
[SwampBitch] hey that’s my personal sanctuary !!!  
[MyBitch] honestly I’m so sorry Cordelia I do try and keep Madison to the bedroom - our bedroom  
[ClairvoyantBitch] no you don’t ! I caught you two in Myrtles car last weekend  
[MyBitch] what?!? No you didn’t  
[ClairvoyantBitch] No I didn’t but I read ur mind Zoe....  
[SwampBitch] this conversation is too much for me  
[SurpriseBitch] well then how about 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has removed ‘SwampBitch’ from the group 

[SupremeBitch] Madison that was uncalled for  
[SurpriseBitch] and so is Myrtles hair do but hey who’s complaining  
[ItsQueenieBitch] BUT ITS BALENCIAGAAAAAAA  
[ClairvoyantBitch] ^^^^^^ Queenie you are everything  
[SurpriseBitch] Zoe come on, I’m hungry take me for lunch  
[MyBitch] ok babe give me 10 minutes  
[ItsQueenieBitch] whipped  
[SupremeBitch] <3 it’s love 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has removed ‘SupremeBitch’ from the group 

[SurpriseBitch] thank God for that  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Cordelia’s right tho u 2 r in love *gross  
[MyBitch] it’s true I’m in love with you Madison Montgomery <3  
[SurpriseBitch] get here now and kiss me or I’ll remove you from the group for being disgustingly cute  
[ClairvoyantBitch] Madisons in love ^^^  
[SurpriseBitch] Bitch stop reading my mind  
[MyBitch] just admit you love me  
[SurpriseBitch] fine I love you  
[ItsQueenieBitch] louder for the people in the back !!!!!  
[SurpriseBitch] ZOE BENSON I LOVE YOU <3  
[MyBitch] see that wasn’t hard baby<3  
[ClairvoyantBitch] lesbians are so dramatic 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has removed ‘ClairvoyantBitch’ from the group 

[ItsQueenieBitch] shit u gonna remove me next  
[SurpriseBitch] nah u can stay :)  
[ItsQueenieBitch] gurl u r changed  
[MyBitch] it’s love <3  
[SurpriseBitch] *wavinghandemoji 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has left the group


	2. Chapter 2

[MyBitch] Mads why is no one else in the group chat?   
[SurpriseBitch] because I want to send you dirty messages all day and make you squirm   
[MyBitch] then why not just text me ?  
[SurpriseBitch] because those other bitches are annoying anyways   
[MyBitch] babe those ‘bitches’ are our coven   
[SurpriseBitch] and they’re annoying as fuck   
[MyBitch] why are you so mean all the time?  
[SurpriseBitch] doesn’t bother you much when I’m making love 2 u  
[MyBitch] did you just write making love?  
[SurpriseBitch] don’t make a big deal out of it Sabrina   
[MyBitch] baby it’s cute   
[SurpriseBitch] it’s not cute it’s disgusting   
[MyBitch] ur just a little cute witch in love <3  
[SurpriseBitch] I’m not cute or little !!!  
[MyBitch] ur like 5’2” on a good day !! *hearteyesemoji   
[SurpriseBitch] petite girls ur thing babe? ;)   
[MyBitch] easier to pick up and put on the kitchen counter and fuck   
[SurpriseBitch] you make me so hot when u talk like that   
[MyBitch] are you wet right now?  
[SurpriseBitch] wetter than when I saw you in that pantsuit   
[MyBitch] best $$$$$ I ever spent   
[SurpriseBitch] ur getting a little cocky   
[MyBitch] maybe I want you to punish me   
[SurpriseBitch] quit fucking around Zoe, where are you???  
[MyBitch] in a class with Myrtle   
[SurpriseBitch] and ur not paying attention?  
[MyBitch] no thinking about you sitting on top of this desk or bent over it not sure yet  
[SurpriseBitch] u need to ditch class NOW  
[MyBitch] I’m sorry I can’t   
[SurpriseBitch] ditch gingersnap now and get ur ass here   
[MyBitch] I mean I could   
[SurpriseBitch] DON’T PLAY ME   
[MyBitch] well get ur ass upstairs now then   
[SurpriseBitch] thank God I can’t listen to Misty warbling landslide and crying whilst making potions anymore   
[MyBitch] hey babe?  
[SurpriseBitch] what??  
[MyBitch] ur extra fun when you are horny   
[SurpriseBitch] u r going to get what u deserve u know that?  
[MyBitch] I know ;) why do you think I’ve just teased you for the past half hour?  
[SurpriseBitch] ugh and everyone thinks that I’m the bitch   
[MyBitch] sweet in the streets, slutty in the sheets   
[SurpriseBitch] ZOE!!! Who are you?  
[MyBitch] I’m yours <3  
[SurpriseBitch] ugh I love you   
[MyBitch] hurry up I’m waiting for you ;)  
[SurpriseBitch] Sorry misty just showed me a 40 picture slideshow of jewellery that she had made *gunemoji   
[MyBitch] and Madison I Love you too <3  
[SurpriseBitch] wait are you wearing ur pantsuit?  
[MyBitch] I might just be ;)  
[SurpriseBitch] I’m gonna die for the 3rd time !!!!!   
[MyBitch] every damn time ;) <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special guest appearances

[SupremeBitch] hello my girls- I want to invite you to a secret birthday party I’m throwing for my beloved Misty  
[SurpriseBitch] Fucking Fabulous  
[ClairvoyantBitch] I’m going to bake her a cake  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Is Fiona gonna spit in it?

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘Iminchargeeverywherebitch’ to the group 

[SupremeBitch] Mother !!!!!  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] Oh hush Cordelia, mummy’s here now  
[SurpriseBitch] Fiona u old hag are you gonna spit in Misty’s birthday cake?  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] Listen Here you little midget witch bitch I’ll kill you all over again  
[SurpriseBitch] oh yawn  
[MyBitch] Madison!!!!  
[SupremeBitch] if you both could calm down  
[ClairvoyantBitch] am I baking this cake or not?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] BAKE THE GOD DAMN CAKE !!!!!  
[MyBitch] I’m really looking forward to it Cordelia <3  
[SurpriseBitch] oh puke  
[MyBitch] Maddie come on it’s going to be super nice  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] oh I’m terribly excited to attend a mediocre soirée for a trampy swamp witch  
[SupremeBitch] Zoe my darling you do realise you are essentially dating a younger version of my mother  
[SurpriseBitch] ^^^^ I may be a bitch but I’m great in bed  
[ClairvoyantBitch] it’s true! Zoe’s mind tells me all the time  
[ItsQueenieBitch] I hear those damn bitches all the time  
[MyBitch] I’m going to impale myself on the fence again *embarrassedfaceemoji  
[SurpriseBitch] Oh sweetie I do love you <3  
[MyBitch] Oh Madison <3  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Zoe u so easy !!!!  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] one quick flash of that Pocket rockets vagina and Zoe’s flat on her back like abracadabra  
[SupremeBitch] MOTHER I AM APPALLED!!!  
[MyBitch] I feel so attacked !!!  
[SurpriseBitch] ur cute when ur embarrassed <3  
[ClairvoyantBitch] I’m going to spit in this cake if you two carry on ....

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘TheoneandonlyStevieNicksBitch’ to the group 

[SupremeBitch] STEVIE!!!!?????  
[TheoneandonlyStevieNicksBitch] hello witches  
[MyBitch] iconic  
[TheoneandonlyStevieNicksBitch] so a little birdie told me u was having a birthday party for my favourite Misty Day - i’d love to come along, party a little, play a few songs  
[SupremeBitch] That would be everything, Madison did you arrange this?  
[SurpriseBitch] can’t have a party without a little music right?  
[MyBitch] since when did u like Fleetwood Mac babe?  
[SurpriseBitch] since I got high and listened to the rumours album twice last week  
[TheoneandonlyStevieNicks] that’s the only way to do it honey  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] hello Stevie old friend <3  
[ItsQueenieBitch] I feel like we should add Myrtle to the group chat?  
[ClairvoyantBitch] hey Stevie!!!!  
[SurpriseBitch] FFS OK

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘BalenciagaBitch’ to the group 

[BalenciagaBitch] what is this monstrosity?  
[SurpriseBitch] a group chat ginger spice  
[BalenciagaBitch] Oh heavenly gods I’m going to gauge my own eyes out with a melon baller  
[SurpriseBitch] dramatic much  
[BalenciagaBitch] theatricals darling theatricals  
[TheoneandonlyStevieNicks] Myrtle will you accompany me on the Theremin?  
[BalenciagaBitch] it would be an honour  
[SurpriseBitch] Oh Fiona come and kill me by slitting my throat again please  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] Oh darling you are on your own this is entirely your own doing  
[SurpriseBitch] you try do one nice thing and instead you get a 70yr old reunion of the fucking spice girls  
[BalenciagaBitch] this tone Madison is appalling  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] Fiona Goode is not a fucking spice girl  
[SupremeBitch] I’m not even sure what’s happening anymore 

‘SupriseBitch’ has added ‘VooDooBitch’ to the group 

[VooDooBitch] oh hell what is this white nonsense?  
[BalenciagaBitch] Miss Marie would you like to join our spice girl tribute group?  
[VooDooBitch] girl I already sold my soul to the devil  
[ItsQueenieBitch] ^^^^^^ My Queen <3  
[SupremeBitch] I really was just trying to organise a birthday party for my beloved Misty  
[SurpriseBitch] sometimes I wish I didn’t know any of you  
[MyBitch] even me? :(  
[SurpriseBitch] ok apart from you ;)  
[MyBitch] <3  
[VooDooBitch] ^^^^ what is this lesbian activity????  
[BalenciagaBitch] Oh darling all witches are lesbians in their soul  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] Oh it’s true I’ve had plenty of fish in the sea in my time if you know why I mean  
[SupremeBitch] OMG MOTHER!!! Someone adopt me!!!!!  
[SurpriseBitch] This is getting gross - Stevie thanks for your precious time !! We will see you at Swampy Sally’s birthday party next week !!!!  
[TheoneandonlyStevieNicks] goodbye witches  
[MyBitch] ^^^^^ so iconic <3


	4. Chapter 4

[MyBitch] anyone seen Maddie?  
[ClairvoyantBitch] I just checked my schedule for giving a crap and it’s not today  
[ItsQueenieBitch] probably smoking herself to death in the yard  
[SupremeBitch] I haven’t seen her today sorry  
[SwampBitch] she drank all my coffee this morning but I haven’t seen her  
[MyBitch] I need to find her  
[ItsQueenieBitch] u need to keep ur bitch on a leash  
[MyBitch] Queenie please!!!  
[ClairvoyantBitch] Oh Madisons like a cockroach she’d survive the apocalypse  
[SupremeBitch] Speaking Of which my supreme powers tell me it something wicked this way comes  
[SwampBitch] I feel it too Delia the alligators were all aggravated this morning when I went to visit them  
[SurpriseBitch] are you fucking with me?? An alligator apocalypse?  
[MyBitch] Maddie !! I’ve been looking for you all day!!!  
[SurpriseBitch] u miss me baby ;)  
[MyBitch] well obviously - and you’ve not answered any of my texts today  
[SurpriseBitch] I’ve been shopping boo  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Boo?? Fuck is wrong with you Montgomery ??  
[MyBitch] Madison u hardly need any more clothes! Who r u with?  
[SurpriseBitch] you don’t be complaining about these clothes ;) or more specifically lingerie and I was with Myrtle  
[MyBitch] not in the group chat Maddie !!! Also u and Myrtle???  
[SupremeBitch] that’s an interesting combination  
[SurpriseBitch] she may be an old ginger hag but the bitch knows fashion  
[ClairvoyantBitch] she looks like a pair of curtains  
[SurpriseBitch] as supposed to you miss hot topic?  
[SupremeBitch] I don’t feel Criticising each other’s clothes is a constructive use of our time  
[SwampBitch] fashion is in the eye of the beholder  
[SurpriseBitch] literally no one has ever said that ever  
[SupremeBitch] Misty has her own way of talking we know that  
[SurpriseBitch] does she call you Miss Cordelia in bed ??? ;)  
[SwampBitch] it’s only polite to call her that  
[SurpriseBitch] Kinky ;)  
[ClairvoyantBitch] it’s better than her shouting out ‘Oohh Stevie’  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Why don’t y’all just stop shouting stuff out so some of us can get our full beauty sleep  
[SupremeBitch] ah lowering the tone of the conversation as usual of course  
[MyBitch] I’m sorry Cordelia <3 I mean I’m a pretty quiet person anyway Queenie  
[ItsQueenieBitch] ^^^^^^^^ LIEEEEEEESSS  
[SurpriseBitch] and what am I saved as on ur phone Zoe?  
[SwampBitch] Oh is this a game? I love games  
[MyBitch] Maddie come on - not on the group chat !!!  
[SurpriseBitch] sorry did you want to call ur Daddy?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] CALLED IT! Nan u owe me $20  
[ClairvoyantBitch] Screw u whores  
[MyBitch] We are supposed to all be friends!!!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] I never said nothing bout being friends with anybody Benson ;)  
[SwampBitch] but I don’t understand Miss Madison isn’t your daddy Zoe ???  
[SupremeBitch] Madison I beg of you 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has removed ‘SwampBitch’ from the group 

[SupremeBitch] thankyou Madison  
[SurpriseBitch] that’s ok Miss Cordelia ;)  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Gurl r u hitting on the supreme?  
[SurpriseBitch] I mean Delias not bad I’d probably tap it but Zoe’s my girl  
[MyBitch] thankyou I think <3  
[SupremeBitch] I’m very flattered Madison that you’d erm tap me  
[ClairvoyantBitch] YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY annoying !! I’m trying to watch Riverdale and all I keep getting notifications of all ur lesbian shit  
[ItsQueenieBitch] of course Nan watches Riverdale :/  
[SurpriseBitch] Riverdale is wanky  
[MyBitch] beats watching Buffy for the 5th time  
[SurpriseBitch] HEY! I just really like Sarah Michelle Gellar ok!!!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] SMG Is my favourite skinny blonde chick  
[SurpriseBitch] HEY!!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] surprised Madison doesn’t make you watch her own Movies Zoe  
[MyBitch] no she prefers for us to make new movies  
[ItsQueenieBitch] WAIT WHAT IN A SWEET LOUISIANA MINUTE R U SAYING?  
[SupremeBitch] oh my gosh I’ve just caught on ............  
[SurpriseBitch] well done Zoe !!! Well done  
[MyBitch] OMG IM SO SORRY  
[SurpriseBitch] now everyone knows we have sex tapes  
[SupremeBitch] there’s more than one??  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Miss Cordelia ???  
[SupremeBitch] Oh I don’t want to see im just curious  
[MyBitch] ugh I’m gonna pay for this tonight  
[SurpriseBitch] u sure are young lady!!!!  
[MyBitch] I gotta gay  
[MyBitch] go....


	5. Chapter 5

[BalenciagaBitch] did anyone else think that Delphine burnt the gazpacho   
[SurpriseBitch] how can you burn gazpacho?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] that don’t sound like any shit I wanna be eating   
[ClairvoyantBitch] what even is it?  
[BalenciagaBitch] Oh you girls have no refined cuisine knowledge  
[MyBitch] I thought it tasted good  
[SupremeBitch] well she tried that’s all that matters   
[SurpriseBitch] I say fire the bitch   
[SwampBitch] Maddie now come on I know you can be nice   
[SurpriseBitch] not to you swampy   
[SwampBitch] last week you held my hands and we danced to Gypsy and then afterwards we drank some herbal tea that Miss Cordelia had brewed in her greenhouse   
[ItsQueenieBitch] GURL I’m changing ur name to Misty Slay.......   
[ClairvoyantBitch] ^^^ that’s the most lesbian thing I’ve ever heard   
[MyBitch] I think I’m a little jealous   
[SwampBitch] Oh Miss Zoe, Madison isn’t ma type, i’d have to lean down a little too far to kiss her   
[SurpriseBitch] Oh a short joke that’s fucking original and IM TALLER THAN NAN BITCHES  
[ClairvoyantBitch] PROOVE IT BITCH  
[BalenciagaBitch] we cant all have the height of elite models darlings   
[SurpriseBitch] OH and what would you have modelled? Granny panties?  
[BalenciagaBitch] Oh because everybody wants to see you in crotchless panties darling   
[ItsQueenieBitch] well Zoe does ;)  
[MyBitch] I really don’t care for this conversation   
[ClairvoyantBitch] such a prude Zoe!!!  
[SupremeBitch] so anyway maybe I’ll just mention to Delphine that we don’t want the soup again   
[ItsQueenieBitch] we still on the soup?  
[ClairvoyantBitch] nobody cares about the soup   
[SwampBitch] nutrition is important  
[SurpriseBitch] says the girl that probably bathes in alligator shit   
[SwampBitch] miss Madison I thought we were making progress with our friendship   
[SurpriseBitch] well ya didn’t have to go and tell the group chat did you ??? *rollseyes  
[MyBitch] how many other secret friendships do you huh??  
[SupremeBitch] #Jealous   
[BalenciagaBitch] Delia my sweet child has just learnt how to use Twitter   
[SurpriseBitch] sometimes Queenie and I get KFC and eat it in the cemetery   
[MyBitch] oh wow thanks for the invite   
[ItsQueenieBitch] you’d only cry about the poor plight of the chickens or something like that   
[ClairvoyantBitch] maybe that bitch Delphine could learn to make fried chicken   
[SwampBitch] I don’t agree with eating chickens   
[SurpriseBitch] no bitch because you eat leaves   
[SupremeBitch] she’s a vegan Madison   
[SurpriseBitch] yeah which means I have to watch her pour milk on her leaf cereal every morning   
[ItsQueenieBitch] shit I just choked on my lettuce   
[ClairvoyantBitch] ^^^^^^^^bullshit you don’t eat lettuce   
[ItsQueenieBitch] I DO IN MY ZINGER BURGER BITCH   
[SupremeBitch] cant you girls just get along and leave my poor misty alone   
[BalenciagaBitch] this group chat has no class   
[SurpriseBitch] well hey you know what we can do about that 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has removed ‘BalenciagaBitch’ from the group 

[SupremeBitch] Oh I give up   
[SwampBitch] <3 Ur perfect to me   
[SurpriseBitch] Oh please *sickfaceemoji  
[MyBitch] Madison you could say one nice thing <3  
[SurpriseBitch] ok fine come up these stairs and take off these crotchless panties   
[MyBitch] how is that nice?  
[SurpriseBitch] it’s nice for you! Don’t be ungrateful   
[ClairvoyantBitch] see Zoe would rather eat Madisons pussy than Delphine’s shitty soup!  
[SupremeBitch] NAN!!!!   
[ItsQueenieBitch] expect the unexpected   
[SwampBitch] I don’t agree with eating cats honestly ...  
[SurpriseBitch] I quit life honestly 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has removed ‘SurpriseBitch’ from the group


	6. Apocalypse Bitches

[SupremeBitch] So Madison did you find anything out from going to the Murder House?  
[ClairvoyantBitch] did she die in there?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] it’s reassuring how it’s called Murder House   
[SurpriseBitch] I don’t feel like this is group chat conversation   
[SupremeBitch] but I need answers now Madison   
[SurpriseBitch] HE’S THE FUCKING ANTICHRIST CORDELIA  
[SwampBitch] Oh I have a bad feeling about this Miss Cordelia   
[SurpriseBitch] and what you gonna do to help huh swamp bitch? Twirl around with a hacksaw to the guitar riff from The Chain?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] I smell a spin off   
[SurpriseBitch] the only thing you smell is dinner   
[MyBitch] guys!!! What’s happening ?  
[ClairvoyantBitch] how do you never know what’s going on Zoe? Jesus   
[SurpriseBitch] The Fucking Apocalypse babe   
[BalenciagaBitch] The days to end all days   
[SurpriseBitch] Because now is the time to talk in cryptic riddles   
[BalenciagaBitch] Impending doom has no boundaries my dear  
[SurpriseBitch] Did you all hit your heads??? He’s going to end the world   
[SupremeBitch] he’s a man child with long hair what’s he going to do im the fucking supreme !!!  
[MyBitch] I’m scared   
[SurpriseBitch] The bitch Burns souls   
[SwampBitch] well whatever comes our way we will fight it - together we all have strengths and powers and we can overthrow him   
[SurpriseBitch] ^^^^ when the only one in the room making sense is Misty Day   
[BalenciagaBitch] I hate to say it but we are going to need the help of Fiona and Marie   
[SupremeBitch] Oh hell no!!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] now is not the time for this Judge Judy vendetta shit Delia   
[MyBitch] Misty and Myrtle are right we need our combined powers and numbers   
[SurpriseBitch] I would die for this coven and if it means saving the world then so be it   
[ClairvoyantBitch] ^^^ alright Buffy   
[ItsQueenieBitch] gurl what happened to you in hell?  
[SurpriseBitch] 5 hours a day folding towels??!!! That shit teaches you to be a better person   
[MyBitch] that’s the Madison I fell in love with <3   
[SurpriseBitch] you was always in love with me you just wouldn’t admit it   
[MyBitch] don’t call me out like that   
[BalenciagaBitch] whatever happened to Kyle?  
[SupremeBitch] omg now is the not the time?  
[SurpriseBitch] hopefully his dick is burning in his version of hell where he has to watch me and Zoe have sex without him on a loop for all eternity  
[ItsQueenieBitch] ^^^^ oh there’s the OG Madison   
[SwampBitch] I’m calling in a favour

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘TheoneandonlyStevieNicksBitch’ to the group 

[TheoneandonlyStevieNicksBitch] Hello witches   
[SwampBitch] STEVIE!! We need ur help- the world is gonna end   
[TheoneandonlyStevieNicksBitch] where do I sign up?   
[SurpriseBitch] We need more people   
[SupremeBitch] we need to call in Mallory   
[SurpriseBitch] Ugh fine ok 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘TimeTravelBitch’ to the group 

[SurpriseBitch] We need ur help supreme wannabe   
[TimeTravelBitch] ok I’m here to help   
[SurpriseBitch] grab a gun and the motherfucking DeLorean we’ve got a world to save


	7. Apocalypse .... again

[VooDooBitch] HBIC here... a little birdie tells me you all need me to save ur asses   
[SurpriseBitch] off topic but has anyone ever told you that ur a damn snack   
[MyBitch] Maddie that’s definitely off topic!!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] once a thirsty hoe always a thirsty hoe  
[SupremeBitch] Marie Thankyou for joining our team  
[VooDooBitch] I never said I was joining you witches-I said I’d show up and show that manchild whose boss   
[SurpriseBitch] what about Walmart voodoo queen?  
[SupremeBitch] Dinah?  
[VooDooBitch] I’ll kill that cheap ass knockoff   
[MyBitch] that’s a no  
[ClairvoyantBitch] thanks for that helpful observation Zoe  
[SurpriseBitch] how about you stop bitchin on my gf Nan??!!!!   
[BalenciagaBitch] now is not the time to turn on one another   
[SurpriseBitch] ever noticed how the angrier Myrtle gets the bigger her hair gets !??  
[SwampBitch] what about that nice English lady that talks about blow jobs at the dinner table???  
[SurpriseBitch] like you’ve ever heard of a blow job  
[SupremeBitch] MADISON!!!!!  
[BalenciagaBitch] oh my dear dear Bubbles, what a wonderful addition to our troops   
[SurpriseBitch] ah everyone’s favourite slutty grandma 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘BubblesBitch’ to the group 

[BubblesBitch] hello my sweeties   
[SurpriseBitch] we’re saving the world, grab ur compression stockings and join us   
[SupremeBitch] you are so rude Madison it’s a wonder you get anyone to do anything you ask of them !!!   
[ClairvoyantBitch] I dunno Zoe always does as she’s told !!!  
[MyBitch] I’ve made my bed   
[ItsQueenieBitch] 2 people reading minds at the table .... I don’t like these odds   
[MyBitch] this is going to be terrible can’t you like switch off ur power   
[ClairvoyantBitch] Oh I don’t know have you learnt to like stop killing people with ur vagina???   
[MyBitch] Well Madisons still Alive   
[BalenciagaBitch] my dears, the mere illusion to the magical act of making love is much more intriguing and classy than this brash display or sexual overtness   
[SurpriseBitch] speak slower for the people at the back   
[SwampBitch] are you calling me stupid?   
[BubblesBitch] well if the cap fits   
[VooDooBitch] Oh you come in here like U the Queen of England with ur Dynasty hair do and ur trashy clothes ... makes me sick   
[SupremeBitch] this groupchat has snapped   
[ItsQueenieBitch] Cordelia Goode has snapped !!!!  
[TimeTravelBitch] I have an idea  
[SupremeBitch] Mallory my dear go on...  
[SwampBitch] Delia do u like Mallory more than me now?  
[SupremeBitch] of course not my darling but Mallory has some wonderful powers that need nurturing   
[TimeTravelBitch] We should go back in time and kill Michael  
[SupremeBitch] Fucking legion !!!!!   
[ItsQueenieBitch] where is she getting this lingo ????  
[SurpriseBitch] sign me up Hufflepuffs  
[MyBitch] baby we all know ur a secret Hufflepuff <3  
[SurpriseBitch] I’m a fucking Slytherin!!!!  
[MyBitch] boy that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told !!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] apart from when you tried to convince us u were straight   
[MyBitch] LOL   
[ItsQueenieBitch] Quieten down Benson 

‘SurpriseBitch’ added ‘IsThatGlutenFreeBitch’ to the group 

[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] LETS USE MY RANGE ROVER TO RUN OVER THE ANTICHRIST   
[SupremeBitch] Coco has snapped !!!  
[ClairvoyantBitch] this is product placement !!!!   
[SurpriseBitch] Just load the fucking car with gas ..... and step on it   
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] wait a minute ... ladies I’m choking on a snowball   
[SurpriseBitch] ^^^ when ur a Velma in a team full of Shaggy’s *handwavingemoji


	8. Apocalypse Over????

[SupremeBitch] WINTER IS COMING   
[ItsQueenieBitch] who lets Cordelia on Twitter honestly?  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] she’s always been idiotic   
[SupremeBitch] Mom! Nobody asked you   
[SurpriseBitch] NO!!! THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING   
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] We need one more witch .... the original Supreme   
[ItsQueenieBitch] OH yeah Snapchat right?  
[SurpriseBitch] it’s Scáthach but close 

‘SurpriseBitch’ has added ‘SnapchatBitch’ to the group 

[SnapchatBitch] Snapchat??? Such fucking amateurs   
[MyBitch] The original supreme that’s so cool   
[ClairvoyantBitch] ^^^^ #1 fan girl   
[SupremeBitch] WE STAN A LEGEND   
[SurpriseBitch] make her stop   
[SwampBitch] who’s Stan?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] The earth is doomed   
[SnapchatBitch] get on ur brooms bitches we going to save the world   
[BalenciagaBitch] The Antichrist shall be defeated and good will be restored within the world.  
[MyBitch] what if we don’t win ??  
[BalenciagaBitch] then it would be appear we would be royally fucked   
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] I’ve packed snacks   
[SwampBitch] I’ve brought Rumours on vinyl   
[SurpriseBitch] it’s the end of the world not a fucking holiday camp   
[SupremeBitch] #YOLO  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Or 3 times if ur Madison  
[TimeTravelBitch] to the Range Rover....

............... an Epic Battle Later ....................

[SupremeBitch] Hate to spill the tea but my wig flew off #EPICBATTLE  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] permission to bitch slap my daughter !!!   
[ClairvoyantBitch] WE DID IT!!!!!!  
[BubblesBitch] well Nan my dear wasn’t it   
Just superb to read his mind so we could know his next move :)  
[VooDooBitch] I got to cut a bitch too...  
[ItsQueenieBitch] BYE DINAH WE HARDLY KNEW YA .....  
[SurpriseBitch] when I got to shoot that motherfucker with a machine gun <3   
[MyBitch] THAT was the the hottest thing I’ve ever seen <3  
[VooDooBitch] Madison Montgomery- Epic bitch- badass- slays looks like a whole ass snack with a gun <3  
[SurpriseBitch] ^^^^ A Queen... <3  
[MyBitch] shall I just leave?  
[SnapchatBitch] can I go back to having sex with peoples husbands in the woods please?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] bye Snapchat .... nice knowing you *wavinghandemoji  
[SwampBitch] why do you keep calling her snapchat? That’s not her name   
[SupremeBitch] because it’s canon   
[SurpriseBitch] OK THATS IT.... Someone delete Twitter off Cordelia’s cell phone !!!  
[ClairvoyantBitch] Savage   
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] I can’t believe we saved the world and my Range Rover still looks intact   
[TimeTravelBitch] awww priorities   
[BalenciagaBitch] can I go back to my quiet existence please reading vogue and sipping exquisite Indian teas.  
[BubblesBitch] well I’m off to drink some champagne darlings ..  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] I’m coming with you .... wear something black   
[ItsQueenieBitch] just an observation but did anyone notice Cordelia And Michael have the same hair ???? Just sayin   
[SurpriseBitch] Queenie went there   
[SupremeBitch] sooooo I’m thinking of going brunette   
[SwampBitch] you r perfect just the way u r <3   
[MyBitch] so whats the plan now? Party?   
[ClairvoyantBitch] that’s the most interesting thing Zoe’s ever said   
[SurpriseBitch] I will rip out ur throat if you say shit like that bitch   
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] LETS GET POPPIN!!!!!!! *champagneemoji   
[TimeTravelBitch] living our best lives   
[SupremeBitch] its time for a slow walk stylish montage   
[ItsQueenieBitch] la la la la la la   
[MyBitch] ^^^^ what’s that?  
[ItsQueenieBitch] the song I imagine playing when we walk.....  
[SupremeBitch] YAS QUEEN


	9. Thanksgiving

[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] HAPPY THANKSGIVING TIDES TO YOU ALL.... try my gluten free pecan pie  
[ItsQueenieBitch] Nobody wants ur gluten free pie Blondie   
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] you and Nan ate all the tester one I made   
[ClairvoyantBitch] was seeing if it was better than my frosted vanilla cake   
[TimeTravelBitch] Coco are you enjoying thanksgiving with ur Daddy?  
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] it’s wonderful babe miss you <3 ur my fave daddy   
[MyBitch] this has been the worst thanksgiving ever!!!!!  
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] OMG WHY?  
[SupremeBitch] Nan and Madison kept sneaking vodka into Misty’s sparkling grape juice and she got a little out of control   
[SurpriseBitch] OUT OF CONTROL? Bitch sang the entire moulin rouge soundtrack   
[SwampBitch] I’m so embarrassed Delia  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] ^^^ I’m embarrassed you are going to be my daughter in law  
[SupremeBitch] mother aren’t you dead?  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] don’t make me drop a house on you   
[BalenciagaBitch] The stuffing was divine, paired exquisitely with the Californian wine ... ah the fine memories   
[SurpriseBitch] ^^^^ are you high?  
[SupremeBitch] but are we all thankful <3  
[SurpriseBitch] thankful for the Victoria’s secrets sale yeah...  
[SupremeBitch] that’s not what I meant   
[ItsQueenieBitch] Zoe’s super grateful for that too  
[ClairvoyantBitch] Black lace is her favourite Maddie ;)  
[MyBitch] why do you continue to humiliate me ??  
[SurpriseBitch] bite me ;)   
[MyBitch] maybe later ;)   
[SurpriseBitch] you can come show me ur pecan pie ;)   
[SwampBitch] I don’t even wanna know what that means !!  
[BalenciagaBitch] ladies ladies enough of that....is there any dessert wine left?  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] lets crack it open and go get drunk and vape in dear Delias greenhouse   
[BalenciagaBitch] ah the sweetness of the dessert wine paired with the smoky musk of my vape cloud is heavenly   
[ItsQueenieBitch] does anyone else understand anything she says?  
[TimeTravelBitch] ^^^^^^ not remotely   
[VooDooBitch] Hoe hoe hoe   
Happy thanksgiving   
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] was that directed at me?? Very smart   
[VooDooBitch] you always my favourite hoe Fiona <3  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] come smoke with us darling   
[VooDooBitch] Oh baby black don’t crack ... I ain’t smoking no shit   
[SupremeBitch] what is going on here?  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] Cordelia dear....   
[SurpemeBitch] what??  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] nothing   
[SurpriseBitch] Fiona ur such a troll   
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] the only troll here is Myrtle .... with that hair !!!!   
[BalenciagaBitch] Nobody knows the secrets of my hair   
[SurpriseBitch] that’s why her hair is so big ... it’s full of secrets   
[ItsQueenieBitch] MYRTLE SNOW IS GRETCHEN WIENERS....  
[ClairvoyantBitch] GRETCHEN WIENERS HAS CRACKED   
[ItsQueenieBitch] Madison Montgomery is flawless ....  
[SurpriseBitch] why am I Regina George???  
[ItsQueenieBitch] BECAUSE ZOE HAS A BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU   
[VooDooBitch] what is this shit?  
[ClairvoyantBitch] ^^^^^^^ she doesn’t even go here !!!!  
[SwampBitch] are Gretchen and Regina new witches?  
[SurpriseBitch] ^^^^^^ Karen Smith ... one of the dumbest girl you’ll ever meet  
[SupremeBitch] girls stop it now   
[SurpriseBitch] You’re such a pusher Cordelia!!!!  
[MyBitch] 4 for you Glen coco you go Glen coco!!!!  
[SupremeBitch] OK THATS ENOUGH.. no more mean girls references !!!  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] on Wednesdays we wear black .....  
[MyBitch] whatever I’m joining the mathletes  
[SurpriseBitch] what a cute nerd ;)  
[TimeTravelBitch] just woke up from a thanksgiving nap ooops.....  
[SurpriseBitch] In a tiara? Please bitch  
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] she’s a beautiful queen that’s why<3  
[SurpriseBitch] are you two a thing now?  
[IsThatGlutenFreeBitch] she makes my heart melt <3  
[TimeTravelBitch] Coco <3  
[SurpriseBitch] I officially declare this fucksgiving   
[SupremeBitch] Madison that’s blasphemous !!!!  
[IminchargeeverywhereBitch] but she ain’t wrong ;)   
[SupremeBitch] well Misty and I are going to eating pumpkin pie in the greenhouse  
[SurpriseBitch] weird euphemism for sex but ok.....  
[MyBitch] Madison..... bedroom now !!!!!  
[ItsQueenieBitch] YOU GO GLEN COCO ;)


End file.
